


welome home

by togallifreywego



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Avengers Family, Domestic Avengers, ENDGAME SPOILERS!!!, Everyone Is Alive, F/M, How Do I Tag, I swear a lot sorry, IronDad and SpiderSon, M/M, Peter Parker's Field Trip to Stark Industries, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Teen because swearing, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, also everyone lives in the tower, ig civil war is a thing but lets pretend steve and tony listened to eachother, my first AO3 post!!!, my first mcu work so maybe the characters are ooc, not really compliant i just wrote this to get over endgame, possibly, they reversed the snap but everyone is alive, this doesn't really have a plot line
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2020-03-27 15:46:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19015906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/togallifreywego/pseuds/togallifreywego
Summary: In which Clint falls out of vents, Bucky likes to bake and Tony is "accidentally" Peter's dad.!!!avengers endgame spoilers!!!





	1. ned, i'm doomed!

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first Marvel fic, so I'm sorry if the characters are very OOC. Also, the science joke I had on Peter's T-shirt I found by googling 'science puns'. I'm also a Brit who is very clueless about how Americans actually act outside of High School Musical, so I'm sorry if this doesn't sound very American. Anyway, enjoy the fic?

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP_ -  


"F.R.I.D.A.Y., stop the alarm!" Peter yelped, turning over in bed and trying (failing) to get back to sleep.

"Good morning Peter, Boss has requested that I tell you that, and I quote, 'Barnes has made pancakes, and if you want some you need to get your ass into the kitchen before Barton does.'"

The prospect of pancakes _did_ make Peter more enthusiastic to actually get out of bed: Bucky was the best cook on the team and his pancakes were the stuff of legend. Okay, so maybe the only other person on the team willing to cook was Vision, and his attempt had not gone down well. Peter swears there's still cake batter in between the kitchen tiles.

With that slightly traumatising memory fresh in his mind, Peter rolled out of bed and began his daily quest of choosing an outfit (when did picking clothes get so _hard_?). Finally, he selected a T-shirt Scott gave him, printed with: **Why do I make bad chemistry jokes? Because all the good ones Argon!**

\--------

Peter arrived in the kitchen ten minutes later to find a triumphant Clint Barton sat on the counter, swinging his legs and eating an unholy amount of pancakes. 

"What the fuck Clint, you'd think you had an enhanced metabolism with the amount you eat," Peter said, flopping down next to Clint and watching as Bucky added a fresh pancake to an already stacked plate next to him.

"Language," Steve muttered as Bucky set the plate of pancakes down in front of Peter with a small smile. The ex-HYDRA member had definitley mellowed since moving into the Tower, developing a soft spot for Peter in particular. 

"Spider-baby, I hope you can eat fast because Happy's driving Pepper upstate for a meeting so I'll have to drive you, and at the rate you're going you'll be late!" a certain Tony Stark shot into the room in a panic. 

"I could swing to school?" Peter suggested hopefully, half a pancake in his mouth. Tony looked ready to have a heart attack right then and there. 

"I'll take him on my bike now, Tony," Steve offered. "Pete, you ready?"

"No way are you taking my kid on that Death Machine!" Tony screeched, but Steve and Peter were already sprinting from the room, Steve pausing only to peck Bucky on the cheek.

"And you say he's not your son," whispered Clint incredulously. Tony shoved him with his shoulder.

"Shut up, Barton."

\--------

**The Three Musketeers!!! ******  
_**peter not-stark:**_ dududdududes THE captain america is driving me to school!!!!  
_**guy in the chair:**_ omg!!! did he eat breakfast with you? what did he eat?? does he like waffles bc i like waffles and imagine saying you and CAPTAIN AMERICA like the same breakfast food!!!  
_**mj:**_ loser, you literally live in the same house as captain america. chill out. 

\--------

Ned shot up to Peter almost the nanosecond he was done waving to Steve. Ned grabbed Peter by the arm and started to drag them to homeroom. 

" _DUDE_! Very important question, what did Captain America have for breakfast? Was it waffles? Please say it was waffles!" cried Ned excitedly as they took their seats.

"Bucky made us all pancakes, actually," admitted Peter.

"The Winter Soldier made you _pancakes_ ," Ned echoed, ecstatic.

\--------

The rest of the day passed in a blur of Ned quizzing him on the Avengers' favourite foods ("Well, Wanda's favourite used to be carrot cake, but everyone sorta went off cake altogether after Vision tried to make her one."), too-long lessons and Flash's apparently non-stop insults about his Stark Internship. 

"Mr. Parker! Surely my lesson is _much_ more important than whatever you're reading on your phone?" Mr. Harrington snapped. 

"Uh.. yes Sir, of course," replied Peter hastily, risking a final glance at his phone as he shoved it into his pocket.

 _ **irondad:**_ You were in such a rush this morning I forgot to tell you: team dinner tonight!

 _ **peter not-stark:**_ whoa! everyone?

 _ **irondad:**_ Yep! Carol, Thor, Valkyrie, the Guardians, you name them, they're probably coming!

Despite Flash's remarks being worse than usual today, Peter couldn't help himself: he was in a good mood now. There were only five minutes of the lesson left, surely nothing could ruin his good mood now?

\--------

"Wait a second before you go, class. I have a very exciting announcement for you!" yelled Mr. Harrington over the din of 20, very-eager-to-go-home teenagers.

When he was satisfied he had the full attention of the kids, he cried: "For our yearly field trip - _drum roll, please!_ \- we are going to... Stark Industries!"

_Good mood: ruined_ , thought Peter, already going over the possible ways he could get rid of the permission slip. Catching sight of Flash's shit eating grin, Peter turned to Ned with the expression of a toddler who's lost their ice cream.

__

"Ned, I'm doomed!" 

__


	2. doomsday's made better with a team dinner,,, right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Thor doesn't know what sarcasm is, Nebula is a bit of a softie and Rocket tries to buy (steal) Sam's wings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys!! I only posted the first chapter yesterday evening and already it's been bookmarked + stuff so thank you all for supporting my shitty ass writing :,). also, I'm putting a spoiler warning even though the spoiler ban on Endgame was lifted a couple of weeks back: there will most likely be Endgame spoilers in this chapter! Also, like I said in Chapter 1, I got the idea from another field trip fic. I'm pretty sure it was written by Groot_Is_God.

_I could burn it! No, people would be able to smell the smoke. I could eat it! Wait no that's gross, last resort only..._ Peter turned over potential ways of hiding his permission slip from the two gods, robots, three assassins and assorted superheroes that were his family. It was not going well. 

"Yo, Parker! Are you ready for your lies to be exposed to our entire class?" growled Flash, elbowing past Ned to barge into Peter.

"For the last time, Flash, my internship is real, how many times do I need to tell you?" Peter replied tiredly.

"Eugene, why are you so interested in Peter's internship? You wouldn't be jealous by any chance?" MJ snapped, lifting her head up from her book. 

"Whatever, _Michelle_." Flash shoved Peter into a locker on his way past.

"MJ, thanks," muttered Peter, standing up awkwardly and trying not to cower under the look the locker's owner had given him. Yeah, he was Spider-Man, but if looks could kill he'd probably be a corpse right now. At least then he wouldn't have to go on the trip. 

"See you on the trip tomorrow, losers." MJ had already stuck her nose back into her book. 

\--------

"Dude, where's Happy? It's not like him to be late," said Ned as they shoved their way through the crush of teenagers to stand outside the school building.

"Oh, he was taking Pepper upstate for a business trip, Tony didn't say when they'd be back," Peter replied, searching for Happy's signature black car. "Maybe I could swing back..."

"Peter! I'm not late am I? I got a little, er, sidetracked." Peter and Ned glanced up to find a very awkward-looking Steve Rogers standing in front of them. Steve tilted his head towards his bike. "You coming? Team dinner tonight, remember? Tony said he texted you, but don't get your hopes up, the Wakandans and Nat got held up doing some hacking mission so you won't see Shuri or Nat until tomorrow." Peter suppressed a groan at this: Shuri was sure to find out about the trip from F.R.I.D.A.Y. and she was _sure_ to embarrass him.

Steve chucked Peter a helmet and motioned him towards his bike. A very starstruck Ned waved them off.

\--------

" **Peter!** " Thankfully, Peter's fast reflexes made him able to catch a very excited, hyper-on-chocolate Cassie Lang before she could fall and break her nose.

"Hey, Cassie! How was school?" replied Peter as he dropped his bag and Steve rested his shield on the towering shoe pile. As Cassie told him in _huge_ amounts of detail what happened at her soccer practice, Peter looked around to check who had arrived yet. He spotted Sam in one corner, trying desperately to convince Rocket that _**No** , the wings aren't for sale, Rabbit!_. After Thor had mistakenly introduced Rocket as a 'rabbit' to the rest of the team, that had become his new name. Thor loved it.

Peter was distracted from Cassie's story by Thor's booming voice. 

"Man of Spiders! Daughter of Lang!" Cassie gave Thor a smile and Loki, who was with him, a slightly frightened look before fleeing to where her dad was talking to Wanda and Vision. Judging by the slightly grossed-out look on Scott's face, Vision had been telling him about the 'Cake Incident'. He'd tried to make Wanda a carrot cake when they first started dating. The cake had exploded while in the oven and had covered the kitchen, Vision and Wanda with remnants of the batter. 

Thor wrapped Peter in a bone-crushing hug. "What is this that Stark has been telling us about your mission here tomorrow?" he asked. Peter's dawning horror must have shown on his face, as Loki laughed. "Top secret? Stark must be forgetting what's classified in his old age."

"It's not a mission, Thor, it's a field trip. Me and my class are coming here, it's supposed to be educational." Peter caught the sudden glint in Loki's eye and turned puppy-dog eyes on Thor.

"Mr. Thor, please don't let Loki or the others embarrass me! I will actually die!" Peter begged, but was saved from having to explain to an alarmed-looking Thor that he would (probably) not actually die by Bucky yelling for eveyone to _Sit down **now** if they wanted to be fed_.

Peter took his seat in between Nebula and Peter Quill (" _What films have I missed since I was last on Earth?? I have like, six months of stuff to catch up on_!"). Peter tentatively bumped his shoulder against Nebula's. The 'Blue Meanie' had grown a lot closer to the team after Tony introduced her, and she now cooked with Bucky whenever the Guardians were on Earth. She still only permitted Tony to hug her though, or Bucky if she was in a good mood. 

"This is good stuff, did you help Bucky make it?" Peter asked her through a mouthful of pasta. She nodded, smiling shyly. 

"What's a field trip?" Nebula wondered. Peter supressed a groan (seriously, he's been doing that a lot lately) as she continued. "Bucky and Mr. Rogers were talking about you going on one earlier." Peter smiled despite the feeling of impending doom: while he had 'grown out of', as Tony called it, calling the Avengers by 'Mr.' and 'Ms.' Nebula had apparently taken over the habit as she still didn't know many of them very well. 

"Well, it's basically where your class at school... Wait did you ever go to school?" Peter hesitated: Nebula looked faintly doubtful. He shrugged and continued anyway. "Anyway, you and the other people who go to school with you go on this field trip... It's meant to help with whatever you're learning about. This trip we're going to is to here because we're gonna look at the labs." 

Nebula frowned. "Is it normal to go to your house on a, um, field trip?" She hesitated, trying out the new phrase. "Mr. Barton and the others want to embarrass you." Peter prayed to all the gods he knew that Loki had managed to arrange an alien invasion without Thor noticing. They couldn't have school with aliens flying around, right? 

"No it's not normal, my life just hates me."

Nebula looked slightly confused, but her reply was drowned out by Sam's cursing from the other end of the table. 

"Get your paws _off_ the wings, Rabbit!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, Americans call football soccer, right? I hope I got that right when I wrote Cassie talking about her football practice. Also I'm sorry if this chapter is boring, but I wanted to do a sorta domestic, fluffy chapter before the chaos of the field trip :) I actually live for a Nebula & Peter friendship so I **had** to write that in somewhere. The actual trip will start next chapter, but I have 2 exams this week and 2 next week so there might be a delay in getting it up.


	3. the apocalypse is upon us,,, aka the trip begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which F.R.I.D.A.Y. knows how to break off an awkward situation and Clint likes Pop-Tarts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow I said i'd update slowly but its really been like a month huh? i've had like a million exams and major writer's block so im so sorry I haven't updated! also, **please no far from home spoilers on my account!** thanks! :)

"Peter, you need to chill. It's not like we're touring your bedroom or anything!" Ned tried desperately to help Peter mold his expression into normal-excited-kid-having-normal-excited-thoughts instead of his current I'm-going-to-die expression. 

"Although touring your room would be quite funny, it's always so _messy_ ," said MJ thoughtfully as she sketched Peter's face. "What? I need to remember what this expression was like, it's one of your most tortured." She went back to her drawing.

"This is _not_ funny! Can you imagine if the Avengers found out about Flash? Nat and Nebula would start another World War!" groaned Peter, face-planting into Ned's shoulder. The bus shuddered to a halt but Peter didn't move. 

" _Dude_ , we're here, you gotta get up!" Ned yanked Peter to his feet, fighting to hold down a laugh at look of impending doom on Peter's face. They followed MJ off the bus and into the Tower. Mr. Harrington was bouncing on the balls of his feet at the reception desk, clearly as excited as his students. 

"Hi, we've got a tour booked for ten o'clock? Midtown School of Science and Technology." The receptionist tapped the screen of her tablet a few times and smiled at the teacher. 

"Yep, that's all correct! This is your tour guide, Emilia." Peter nearly burst into tears right there and then. Emilia was one of his intern friends and, judging by the shit-eating grin on her face, she'd requested the tour specially. Emilia stepped forwards.

"Morning, Midtown, and welcome to Stark Tower! I'll tell you a bit more about SI in a minute, but first of all I need to give you all passes. You have to make sure you're wearing them at all times, or you'll probably get thrown out. Our head of security is _very_ strict about that." Emilia chuckled, produced a sheaf of passes and began handing them out. She skipped right past Peter's name on the register. Peter almost breathed a sigh of relief as nobody stopped her from giving out the rest of the badges. _Gone unnoticed for once!_. When she was done, Mr. Harrington shot Peter a faintly suspicious glance and turned his gaze on Emilia. 

"Sorry, but you seem to have missed out one of my students. His name's Peter Parker?"

"But Peter already has an internship here," answered Emilia, her eyes only briefly meeting Peter's. "So, he can just use his own badge! You've got your pass, right, Pete?" Many of the students' mouths had dropped open, along with Mr. Harrington's. Obviously, he hadn't believed Peter's internship cover story either. The awkward silence was broken by Sally Avril raising her hand. At Emilia's encouraging smile, she asked her question.

"What are the numbers on the passes for?" Emilia's face lit up. 

"Oh, that's a good question! Okay, so the numbers on the badges range from 1 up to 10. Passes with the number 1 on them are normally reserved for tour groups like you guys, or for press photographers. Number 2 is for people who come here for press conferences, like journalists. People with number 1 or number 2 on their passes can't go many places without someone with a higher number on their pass. Number 3 is for friends of interns, so they have slightly more clearance than people with passes like you guys, but still have to go most places with someone with a higher pass number. And then number 4, 5, 6 and are all for interns and for low-level scientists, depending on which labs they work in. Number 7 is for the highest level scientists and the tour guides, like me, and allows us access to all the labs except for the labs that the Avengers work in. Number 8 is for the Avengers who don't visit the Tower very often, like the Guardians of the Galaxy or Ant-Man. It allows them access to the Avengers' living area, their training area and the rooms they're staying in if they stay overnight. Number 9 is for the Avengers who live in the Tower, and they're allowed almost unlimited access, though Mr. Stark tends to lock them out of his personal lab if he's working on something. Finally, the highest level is number 10, and it's for Doctor Banner, Ms. Potts, Mr. Stark and also Mr. Stark's personal intern." Emilia rattled off the whole list, barely pausing for breath. Most of the class looked slightly shocked. "And now, please swipe your passes to be let through. F.R.I.D.A.Y., Stark Tower's AI system, will announce your name and rank. Say hi to F.R.I.D.A.Y., guys!" A few members of the class mumbled a "hello", and the whole class looked freaked out when F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s smooth voice responded, "Hello, Midtown! Enjoy your tour!"

Flash pushed his way to the front of the queue, looking around smugly when F.R.I.D.A.Y. greeted him with, "Eugene Thompson, Level 1. Good morning, Eugene, and enjoy your tour!" 

Peter slunk to the back of the queue, hoping that Shuri hadn't arrived at the Tower yet and had asked F.R.I.D.AY. to give him an embarrassing nickname. Eventually, it was his turn to swipe his pass. 

"Peter Parker, Level 10. Good morning, Peter! You're back very early, would you like me to notify Mr. Stark that you are back?" Feeling his face turn red, Peter muttered, "No thanks, F.R.I., he probably already knows I'm here." Taking in the shell-shocked faces of his classmates, he said, "What? I told you I was Mr. Stark's personal intern." With that, he turned to follow Emilia to their first destination: the Avengers Museum.

\--------

"Dude, I still can't believe you're scared of _spiders_!" Peter, Ned and MJ were studying Spider-Man's exhibit in the museum. Peter had to smile: Tony had really outdone himself. He was about to retaliate when a sharp scream rang across the room. 

As one, the class rushed over to where Cindy Moon was stood, gaping, at Hawkeye's display. She shakily lifted a finger to point at the wax model of the hero. 

"I-It moved!" she shrieked. The class stood there for a good ten minutes, studying the figure. Many had turned away when, unmistakeably, the figure dropped its bow and waved at them. The 'wax figure' moved the glass partition aside. 

"Hello, Midtown!" cried a very-much-not-made-of-wax Clint Barton. He spotted Peter, who was trying and failing to hide behind MJ. "Peter!! I brought you a Pop-Tart!" 

"You actually know Penis - I mean, Peter?" Flash yelped. Clint looked surprised, and it suddenly occurred to Peter that he should have pretended that nobody at school knew about his 'internship'. _Too late_.

"Didn't he tell you about his internship? Pete?" Peter was saved from answering by F.R.I.D.A.Y. announcing, "Mr. Barton, Ms. Romanov has arrived back from her mission and is waiting for you in the common room." Peter said a silent _thank you_ to the god of perfect timing. Clint was bound to rush off to see his girlfriend ASAP. True to character, Clint's face lit up and he hastily waved at Peter before wandering off. Eyes glittering, Flash rounded on Peter. 

"Alright, Penis, how much money did you have to pay to get Hawkeye to act like he knows you? There's no way _the Avengers_ would bother to hire someone like..." Flash trailed off, eyes widening as he took in Clint, who was giving Flash his best you're-dead,-little-bitch look. Peter winced. Sometimes he forgot that the man who liked to run around in the vents and kick Sam's ass at Just Dance was actually an assassin. 

"Pete, can I have a quick word?" said Clint, coolly, never taking his eyes off Flash. At Peter's nod, he dragged him into a corner. "That kid giving you trouble?" Peter swallowed around the lump in his throat and managed what he thought was a convincing, "No, Clint." Clint sighed and handed Peter a strawberry Pop-Tart. 

"Tony's going to hear about this, Pete. I mean it. _Nobody_ messes with our kid." And, leaving Peter staring confusedly at the Pop-Tart, Clint walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so my exams are over now and _hopefully_ my writer's block has fucked off to wherever it came from so i'll be able to post quicker again! also thanks for all the bookmarks and stuff that this fic has got!


	4. home is where the avengers are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which (why do I start all my chapter summaries with in which?) the Avengers are big board game fans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow its been a while since I updated this fic and tbh I dont really have an excuse for that except for the fact that writer's block is a bitch you guys, I hate it lol but im really sorry!! :((  
> anyways this is the final chapter of this fic + thank you so much for the response! this is definetly my most popular fic - ive had such lovely comments and so many kudos! tysm honestly :D

"You've got your mission face on," commented Nat when Clint appeared in the doorway to the Avenger's common room. He quickly pulled her into a hug and, slightly distractedly, asked Nat how her mission went. "It went fine, thanks to Shuri. Seriously, though, you _do_ have your mission face on." Clint decided to forgo his usual whine of _for fucks sake, what is a mission face and Sam stop laughing, I **don't** have a mission face_. 

"I think Peter's being bullied." The atmosphere in the room suddenly changed - Loki, who had draped himself extravagantly over a _whole sofa_ , sat up straight, Thor looked ready to summon his hammer and Bucky jumped to his feet from where he was sprawled across Steve's lap. 

" _What_?" cried Steve. 

"What are we going to do about it?" Looking at Nat's face, Clint had to feel just a little bit sorry for Flash. Nat would protect her паук-ребенок, as she liked to call him, with her life if it came to it. 

" _Well_ ," began Clint, a grin spreading over his face despite himself. "I was thinking we should..."

\--------

Peter knew he was fucked when Emilia's radio buzzed and she stopped, turning to face the group and directing a smug grin at Peter. 

"Okay, you guys, we've had a _very_ exciting change of plan! We've been invited for a tour of the Avengers' living area and a Q&A from the Avengers themselves!" Beaming at the cheers, Emilia turned back down the corridor and gestured to the lift.

Peter's Parker Luck struck again when he had the _amazing_ experience of being put into the same lift as Flash. For about the fiftieth time that day, he regretted not eating the letter about the trip. As soon as the lift doors shut, Flash rounded on him, because apparently evidence from multiple sources _plus_ a warning from _literally one of the most notorious assassins **ever**_ couldn't stop him from continuing Mission Make-Peter-Parker's-Life-Hell. 

"Guess what _I'm_ going to ask the Avengers, Parker?" whisper-shouted Flash, who seemed to be smart enough to stop teachers listening to the conversation but not smart enough to listen to a threat from - and Peter couldn't stress this enough - _Clint fucking Barton_. Peter forced his voice into a (hopefully) neutral tone.

"I don't know?" Peter was saved from Flash's reply as the lift doors opened into what could only be described as absolute chaos.

"That is _not_ a fucking flamingo, Loki! Do you even have eyes?!" Not another alien invasion, then. Just the Avengers playing Pictionary.

"Insult my drawing skills one more time, Birdbrain, and I swear to Odin I will stab you in the eyes!" Bucky grabbed Sam just seconds before he lunged for Loki.

"I didn't realise this game involved stabbing people," commented Gamora. "Suddenly, I enjoy it a lot more."

"No-one's going to be stabbing anyone, now can we _please_ carry on with the game?" begged Steve. "I'm winning!" Only Emilia's exaggerated cough told the team that they had an audience. Steve shot Sam and Loki, who still had a dagger pointing threateningly at Sam, a warning look before turning to the tour group with an apologetic smile. "I'm very sorry, I didn't realise you'd be coming up here."

"We weren't supposed to be, Mr. Stark changed our schedule. I hope you won't mind answering some questions?" There was an explosion of chatter and Peter narrowly missed being hit in the face by Flash's hand.

Bucky pushed in front of Steve. He spotted Flash and his eyes went icy. "You." Flash looked like he'd just won the lottery.

"Do you guys really know Penis... uh, _Peter_ Parker?!" 

"Yes, yes we do." All eyes flickered to the lift doors and settled on the unmistakeable face of Tony Stark. "Would I be correct to assume you're the little shit who's been bullying him?" The look of terror on Flash's face would have been funny if Peter wasn't mentally planning his own funeral. Cause of death? Embarrassment. The hiss of Gamora not-so-subtly pulling out her knives and Clint's whisper of _I'm going to hit that little bitch through the eye with my exploding arrows_ made him decide that none of the Avengers were invited.

"Mr. Harrington, I wonder if I could have a quick talk with Mr. Thompson?" Tony directed a dazzling, paparazzi-perfect smile at Mr. Harrington and, without waiting for a reply, breezed on. "Pete, I wonder if you'd like to help Emilia take the rest of your class around the building? I suppose I _did_ promise you guys a tour of the Avengers' living area." Peter was pretty sure the face he was making was a very clear _fuck no_ but he didn't think he had a choice in the matter anymore. So, he just nodded and helped Emilia to herd students (all with varying degrees of _what the fuck is going on??_ written across their faces) and Mr. Harrington - who didn't look too sure on exactly when he'd lost control of the day - out of the room towards the training rooms. Pretty much as soon as the last kid had left, Tony dropped the pretence and gave Flash a faintly shark-like smile. 

"I think you should sit down, Mr. Thompson. Just mind the Wii remotes, won't you?" Flash dropped into his seat. 

"Mr. Stark, I'd just like to say how much I admire you and how much I'd love to be considered for an internship here - "

"No," Tony interjected. "Any chance you may have had at getting an internship here vanished the _second_ you began to bully my kid." Flash's adoring look vanished.

"B-but Mr. Stark! He's so obviously lying about having an internship here - he's just Penis Parker! Nobody in their right mind would _ever_ want to employ him..." Flash trailed off, spotting the murderous looks most of the Avengers now wore on their faces. With the exception of Steve, who was struggling to keep his face neutral, because _for fucks sake, **somebody's** gotta stop Tony from murdering this kid _.__

____

"Now, let's get one thing straight," murmured Tony, voice deceptively soft as he sat down next to Flash. "Peter is incredibly smart - yet somehow also incredibly stupid for not letting me know what was going on sooner - and _any_ company would be lucky to employ him. In fact, I hope he'll take over Stark Industries for me one day. And, most importantly for you, he's managed to twist every single Avenger around his little finger and he's doubtless going to keep it that way. As you can tell, we're a very scary bunch of people, and, if I ever hear of you bothering _my kid_ again, Steve and I won't keep such a close watch on the others. Do we understand each other?" At Flash's thoroughly terrified nod, Tony smirked and continued on. "Now, I'm going to have my head of security, Mr. Hogan, escort you out and get you home. I hope you'll remember that I _will_ hear if you bully Peter or anyone else again, okay? Happy, you know what to do." Once the lift with Happy and Flash in it had left, Tony turned to the rest of the Avengers, who were reluctantly putting away their assorted weapons. "What did you think? Scary enough?" 

"That was good, Tony - very scary. Remind me to never get on your bad side," smiled Bruce. 

"Fuck PR, Tony, I still think you should've let us teach him a lesson," muttered Clint.

"I think so, too. I would have garrotted him," added Loki matter-of-factly. 

\--------

"I wish I had been there, Tones," groaned Stephen, halfway through their weekly game night. "I would have sent that little shit to the Arctic or something!" Tony laughed and flung his legs over Stephen's lap, narrowly avoiding kicking Thor in the face.

"Honestly, I'm glad you guys _didn't_ end up killing him," said Pepper, earning herself a muttered _spoilsport_ from Clint. "The PR would have been an absolute nightmare." 

"I'm still not inviting any of you to my funeral," Peter moaned. 

"Don't worry, squirt, we know you'll weaken on that," grinned Sam. "Now, is anyone up for some Mario Kart?" 

Clint lunged across the sofa he'd been sitting on to snatch up a controlled. "Only if you're ready to get your ass kicked!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okokok most of this chapter I h a t e, especially the part where tony threatens flash because it might actually be the cheesiest thing ive ever written - I wanted so much to avoid the tony-threatens-to-ruin-flash's-life part of the trope, I wanted to end it a different way but honestly just couldn't think of anything else >:( hope you've enjoyed anyways!

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, quick backstory: most of the Avengers live in the Tower (Tony doesn't sell the Tower in this) and this is set after Endgame. The Avengers like Cap. Marvel, Thor + the other Asgardians and also Scott, Hank, Hope + Cassie don't live in the Tower. Morgan isn't in this fic (idk why I'm just not putting her in) and also Clint's wife + kids aren't in this fic as I ship Clint/Natasha not Clint/Laura. May + Peter also live in the Tower because... that's cute okay??
> 
> I also got the idea for having a big team dinner from another field trip fic. I'll find out who the author of that fic was as soon as I get a chance, but I'm pretty sure the auther was Groot_Is_God or they had a username like that. I have exams soon so idk when I'll be able to check for sure.


End file.
